How Big is your But?

We compare our successes to those of other women and find them lacking. Sound familiar? Comparing yourself is a natural thing; it’s how you let it affect you that can be a bummer. When you find yourself making these comparisons, immediately stop the downward spiral and think of 3 things that you have accomplished in your life.

Now write them down.

Write a few more things.

Don’t stop until you are satisfied you have written down all the things you are proud of.

Don’t over think this, just write down what comes to mind without judging, without second-guessing yourself. If you do that, you are comparing yourself… to yourself.

When you have your list, write down the ripple effect these great accomplishments have had on your life and the lives of those around you. You will be amazed at just how amazing you really are.

Now keep that list and post it so you can go back to it every time you need a kick in the rear!

We dwell on past failures and use them as an excuse to not try again. Otherwise known as taking the easy way out. I mentioned that failures are just as important as successes. In fact, it’s the successful people that usually have failed the most.

Now I want you to jot down something that you failed at, a huge failure. For example, did you not make the basketball team as a kid, or get the job you thought would have advanced your career? Did you get a divorce? Lose your shirt on a business venture?

Now I want you to write down what resulted from this failure. For example, 20 years ago I was fired from a job, a really good job. Now there’s a blow to the ego. But it was the kick in the rear that I needed to launch the business idea I’d been toying with for many months.

Sure, I was scared. I was petrified. I almost gave up. I don’t know how many times I said to myself; ‘What the hell are you thinking, you can’t do that!’ Believe me, I know full well how hard it is to ignore that little voice, but I kicked it to the curb because I wanted something more for my life. And the rest is history as they say.

Remember, failures can lead to successes, but not if you turn them into excuses to put on the brakes.

We often think we are not good enough or deserving enough to succeed. This is where I start to get really steamed! I’d like a show of hands here. How many of you ever secretly thought deep down inside; ‘I am not good enough to…. be on the team, get that job, start that business, get that guy?’

If you did not raise your hand you are lying to yourself!

We all do it, and we all do it almost every day! How many times does that little voice in your head say, ‘oh you can’t do that, silly you for even thinking it.’

I want you to Stop It, Right Now!

What I want you to do is this. Think about what you are good at. For instance, are you a good cook? A good writer? A good parent, friend, spouse? Are you good at sports, writing reports or have a good sense for numbers?

How did you get good at this?

You will shock the pants off yourself when you see that practice, perseverance and deliberate, consistent action are what made you good at these things. All it took was the desire and willingness to try.

So the next time you listen to that mean little voice in your head telling you you’re not good enough, so why bother trying, look at your list and remember what it took to be great at something and apply that same process.

I know all about ‘you aren’t good enough’. It used to be my default setting when I got into a funk. Instead of going down that mind trap, I trip my default switch with ‘you are way better than just good enough! It works every time.

We are afraid of being judged and care too much what others will think.

What we forget is that THEY are comparing themselves to US and finding THEMSELVES lacking.

It’s a vicious circle. We have a worse opinion of ourselves than what others think of us. We also believe that other people think less of us then they actually do.

Isn’t it shocking to hear the truth about what someone thinks of us? Especially when it’s complimentary?

Your first reaction typically is ‘Really, you think that about me? Wow’.

And then maybe; ‘Oh, you’re just saying that to be nice’.

Ok, here’s what I want you to do. Write down the personality traits, skills and abilities a successful person has.

If you can’t be kind to yourself, ask a friend or family member what your best character traits are.

Hmmm, what do you see? You are more successful than you thought you were and that’s what others know, see and admire about you.

We think we lack the skills required and so find excuses to not even try. It’s kind of like the lottery. You can’t win if you don’t buy a ticket.

Let’s face it, if you don’t try something you will never know if you can do it. If you didn’t learn to walk, you would never run. If you didn’t learn your ABC’s, you wouldn’t be able to read or write.

Please don’t say, ‘Ya but that was when I was a kid, you had to learn those things. Well, you have to learn things now, as an adult.

If you don’t try, you don’t learn and you don’t grow. You will live a boring, mediocre life. And that’s not the life you want.

So I want you to write down the 1 thing you have always wanted to do and the skills that are required to do it.

What action do you need to make it happen? For example, if you want to learn how to cook, you take a cooking class and make all your friends’ dinner to practice. If you want to start your own business, you will talk to anyone you know and ask them how they got started. You would go online and research how to start a business. You would call me, and I would guide you through the process, step by step.

For my first business I enrolled in a 12-month entrepreneurial course. It was invaluable. 20 years later that business is still a success, which is no easy feat for a small business, especially after 2 major recessions.

When I embarked on a career as a coach, I hired a coach! Currently I am engaged in a mastermind and group coaching program as well as 1:1 coaching. So, start small and work your way up. Without action, we just have excuses.

We have trouble making a decision and sticking with it.

Hmmm, I’m on the fence about this one.
Indecision is actually a decision, just backwards.

When we decide to do something, invariably, we talk ourselves out of it because our little voice says; ‘You can’t, you aren’t good enough, you don’t have enough money, skill or talent’.

Our decision is clouded, and we justify our indecision or our fence sitting.
So, we need to focus here.

Pick a couple of tasks that have been on your mind, that you would like to start or finish.
Put them in order of priority.
Start with small tasks. It could be as simple as finishing the book you have neglected to read or visiting the new restaurant you have wanted to try, or just cleaning out the closet.
If you can challenge yourself, think bigger such as joining the gym or cutting calories.

When I made the decision to start a career as a coach, I had moments of ‘what do you think you are doing?’ My little voice sure could scream at me. My confidence waivered but my integrity was intact, I was not going to break my promise to myself.

It’s natural to check in with yourself and re-confirm your decision. The key here is to practice making a decision and follow through with action and creating that list will help you to focus.

Make a promise to yourself to do one thing a week that you really want to do and stick with it. You will reap the rewards tenfold, and it will be easier and easier to keep your word. Plus, you get to put a big check mark beside it when you’re done!

We are resistant to change. Come on ladies, wrap your arms around it and give it a big hug!

Change is inevitable, change is good, so embrace it.

Yes, it is easier to remain status but it’s boring as hell. And it’s not going to improve your life.

If you want to overcome your resistance to change, consider this; your reason for not moving forward is simply a justification to allow you to stay where you are. It’s comfortable there.

Even if you are not that happy where you are, you still resist making a change, because the unknown is simply a scary place for a lot of us.

You may convince yourself that your needs are being met, even if you are just ‘settling’ for second rate.

You may have invested time, energy and money and are stubbornly waiting to reap the expected rewards.

You can stone wall the change, ignore it, and pretend it doesn’t exist, but what if the change is forced upon you?
A breakup, or job loss?
That’s when the change feels like you are being pushed from the frying pan and into the fire.

The destination terrifies you and the journey looks painful, the future, hazy.

The change feels wrong to you, and you don’t know which way to move.

But the reality is this; you will not die from change. You will survive.

If you have experienced a major change in the past ask yourself, how am I a better person today because of that change?
How have I grown?
If you are really daring, ask yourself; What would your life look like if you didn’t experience that change?

When you reflect on that change, I want you to reflect on your initial feelings and compare them to how you feel now. Open your mind to the possibility that change is a good thing. Scary, for sure, but it is always going to benefit you in the end. Always.