I was a chronic seeker of external validation to make me happy.

Afterall, the media showed me that I wasn’t happy unless I had their product, my war-torn immigrant parents wanted me to have ‘it all’, and my ego constantly kept my heart desires at bay with thoughts of ‘who do I think I am?’, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not deserving enough’ blah blah blah.

The more I sought external validation for my joy and happiness, the more addicted I became to:

  • my own drama
  • my own BS
  • the stories others told me what would make me happy
  • retail therapy
  • short-term relief vs long term gain
  • numbing out with drugs or alcohol
  • people pleasing
  • showing up inauthentically
  • needing others to be different so I could be happy
  • comparing myself to others
  • being liked by others (and disliking myself more and more)

We are taught by society that if we have certain material things, our life will be better.

In my generation we weren’t taught to look inward- we were not encouraged to be seen or heard.

We were shamed and blamed and told we could be better, do better, we aren’t enough…our doingness was more important than our beingness.

What we DO triumphs who we are in our individual uniqueness.

I don’t think I was ever asked as a child or young adult: How do you FEEL? How does that matter to you? What do you WANT? (Read more in the blog below)

It was more about being safe and practical, rarely about joy and happiness.

Joy and happiness would result only when you were safe and living a practical life.

You could do what you want when you were 65 and retired – until then do what gets you to a means to an end.

So, it’s been learned behavior for my generation, and I spent the first 45 years of life living externally and the past 12 going inward.

I attribute my shift to hitting rock bottom and being completely miserable and deciding one day that I don’t want to live my life like this anymore. The pain got so great that it felt horrible in my own skin, and I just wanted to give up on any type of happiness (not suicidal thank goodness).

I do attribute my shift to a great many people in my life who I sought their help: energy workers, EFT practitioner, wise friends, books and seminars.

I knew I could be a better parent and that drove my desire to change. I saw that I was teaching them how not to go after their own happiness from what their heart desired and that was my wake-up call.

Plant medicine saved my life. It catapulted me into the deepest recesses of my heart and taught me how to access my joy and my happiness – all from within the space of myself. (More info here on Plant medicine)

How Psychedelics Can Help

How Psychedelics Can Help

  After my last blog on how psychedelics changed my life, I had quite a few ‘how did they help’ questions.🧐 We all have an inner healer that goes beyond our intuition and gut feeling.  Intuition is our inner knowing of what feels good and is good for our well...

I broke the cycle of my ancestors, and I am now a role model for my adult kids who will be a role model for their kids and so on.

You deserve to live a life of extreme joy and love.

If you struggle with always seeking pleasure from ‘out there’, message me and let’s start the conversation of ‘what do you REALLY want and how do you WANT to FEEL’?

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